curb, irl

today i was walking down haight. a man stopped and was looking at me. i looked back, challenging his stare. he opened his mouth and said..

"smile."


my eyes rolled.

ladies,

you will never be able to get your virginity back, BUT you can buy a really nice pair of underwear and "save it" for the "right" guy.

so this is the neeeew yeeeaaarrrrrr, kinda

it's xmas, and all i can think about is putting together my new years resolutions!!

i have a running list, here are a few i can remember at the moment

don't crack my knuckles in public..it's kind of unattractive, and gross.

stop smoking ciggies all togeths..it's also kind of unattractive, and gross.

treat myself to nice long manicured acrylics every week and a half, and a pedi every month..just bc i luv em.

never ever ever ever go to bed with makeup on..no matter HOW drunk!

stop pulling my eyelid when i apply liquid eyeliner

never text someone else while in mid-conversation, it is tacky and rude and classless.

basically just not to look at my phone when i am hanging out with friends. you should give your attention to the people you are with, srsly we arn't 13 anymore..it isn't cool to be pre-occupied with your phone 24/7.

last one, and this one is important:

stop getting SO defensive in arguments with people. remain calm, even if they get defensive. no one ever listens to a person who is red in the face.

fb chats with the ultimate ID..iot.

i need a nose job
I need a fat job
I could be hot
if I just like
was
but I'm not
god will u fucking stop intruding on my self loathing sesh
u know u think u are hot

i want privacy!i want to start being secretive! why do i have to tell everyone EVERYTHING..i don't get my openness.

maybs the last small blog entries could have been better fitted for tweeting, but i hate to twat and probs will never get into it.

i am fine with everything. it was weird, and new. it was a notch. i can't even be really annoyed, just amused.

per se

can we hang out
a lot
and be goth
at the mall
I want a four loko
me too
at all
those things
too bad i dont like smoking cigs
that is real goth
meh
but i do drink coffee
u are just a vampire douche
HA
so waht

i'm going to start making things happen, just wait and see :]

chocoooollalaaatatatataeeeeee shrroooo00o0oo0mmmsssss taassteeeeee gewd.

today i had this uncontrollable wave of anxiety come over me..it was weird, it made me feel bad. i got scared.

i love having little moments with people that don't mean anything in particular, but just make u happy to be able to experience relationships and people and possibilities..

the year 2009 and what I have learned..or something

6 things i thought of

1. u are the best..honestly, eff everyone else. they r just jealous. but rly..who is more likely to let you down, other people or yourself? i never let myself down, i just adapt to new standards :]

2. reality shows that are an hour long [exceptions include: bad girls club, real housewives of OC, ATL, NY, NJ] are TOO long. sorry but, i just cannot get behind jersey shore..IT'S TOO DAMN LONG..plz edit yourself to 1/2 an hour. plz take the *hint* -the ruins-. in fact -ruins-, please just cease existing.

3. twilight is rully gewd.

4. even if u think what u create isn't like, good enough, or something..put it out there. for every shitty thing u create, a million other people have made something shittier! and u never know, someone might actually like what u made.

5. if u want to learn a second language it has to be before you are 21 or else ur brain can no longer retain anything. NO!LONGER!RETAIN!

6. white people love the movie Precious..and my only logical reason as to why this is is because white people find abuse VERY VERY entertaining, especially if the abuse doesn't involve other white people.

i love this song

Did I judge this wrong?/but you had it all/you had it all/a gift of the gods/in your city of gold/and you’ll piss it all/you had it all/and what drags the rope/you know, or, you don’t/you had it all/gonegonegonegone/goinggoinggone/the day you moved off/the whole village mourned/love’s no kind of joke/or something small/and where will you go?/there’s things you don’t know/fingers tearing your clothes/baby ungrown/you had it all/gonegonegonegone/goinggoinggone/and suffering alone/your bowl emptied out/all your secrets known/I welcome your call/these walls don’t fall.

wild beasts- empty nest

the vocals sounds straight out of phantom of the opera.
don't know why i like it.
to be honest, don't know why anyone likes it.
but i do, and people do..soo

remember when "..LITERALLY" was the greatest punch line of all time. it fit after any cray story as the most sarcastic abrasive ending..LITERALLY.

well, i had a dream that i got to talk to lady gaga..but i looked literally LIKE SHIT. it was really embarrassing, i was like tiny tim to her grandiose-well dressed-sparkly scrooge.

After her concert, she flew away on an umbrella in her "real-life" look..which was a man that looked similar to Andy Richter.

top 25ish

i like pop music, so who cares?

free bitch, bby.

i know it's not cool to read things that lame people think are cool because other slightly more lame people don't know about them..

but i just started reading "franny and zoey"
i don't really even like salinger
i hated "catcher in the rye"
but i needed something to read, it is my dad's old book, the cover said it once cost 95 cents.
ha.
don't mind my ~hipness~


besides, i only read to look like the deep, brooding, pre-occupied girl on the muni.

ps anonymous reader: i am too afraid to declare that i have quit smoking cigarettes, because i do not want to be held to a promise i cannot keep..does this statement mean i declared quitting? ah! save me.

thinspo



hehe

bleak friday

ladidadidaaa

starting over can be fun
i am starting over
i am having fun
IT CAN BE FUN
you know.

I will TRY to write in this blog because I believe strongly in keeping records of my life. I do not have a very good memory. I am trying to counteract that by writing everything down. Anyways..

I just finished reading "The Road" and wow..very very suspenseful, very bleak, very surreal. I cannot imagine how they are planning to make this into a movie, but one cannot change what has already been done.

This Thanksgiving I met my Uncle Rick. He is my father's cousin's brother. He hasn't been in any of my family's lives for the last 25 years. He has come back, not because he wants to, but because he needs to. After dinner I told him my first memory of him:

My dad used to have a cup that held all of his pens on his desk. The cup had a cartoon caricature of himself teaching an English class (he used to teach English) and there was a word bubble coming out of his mouth that said "English is a bitch" or something to that extent. Anyways, that was the first time I had ever seen the word "bitch" that was also the first time my dad ever told me about my Uncle Rick (my Uncle made the cup). I told my Uncle Rick that that was my first memory of him, and he replied saying that he had no memory of ever making the cup.

5:18am

I just had the funniest conversation with a cab driver.

I asked him what was the craziest thing he has ever seen in his cab.

He said.

This big black guy, picked up this white guy,

"Then they asked me (the cab driver) if it was okay if he (the white guy) sucked off the other guy (black guy.)"

The cab driver then told me he told them to pay and leave the cab...but I asked him if he ever watched people "do it" in his cab. He said he didn't know what to do..but WATCH! ahahaaa


Felt bad that I couldn't tip him as much as I would have liked to...but he did shake my hand and hold it for an unnecessary exaggerated time.

Fare trade in my book.

last night i dreamt of Kevin Jonas.

It's true. I can't deny.
Last night I dreamt of Kevin Jonas.
Nick and Joe were there too, but
Kevin. Kevin was so cute.
Kevin was the one I wanted.
Kevin and I really ~connected~

I would have made him dump his beard, i mean fiance,
for me. then he would have sprayed
white foam all over me as he lip synched
"hello beautiful" on stage.

oh kevin. I am so sorry for underestimating your
sex appeal. I will repent and never speak ill of
you again! NEVER AGAIN.

sad old men are sad..and old.

"The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" is one of the most beautiful and complete albums I have ever heard. Too bad she went crazy and decided to say she hates white people. But you know, I get it, I kinda hate white people too.



and goddamn D'Angelo might be the most smoldering man alive.



Never forget.

ETA: LOL @ their recent jacked up pics at the end of the vid.

one day, i will find you

I want a relationship like this



and maybe, with work, it can blossom into something like this



and once we REALLY get to know each other..the inevitable next step would be




all pics retrieved from lamebook.

Ill Kill Her - Soko

This song. It's funny right?
Girls..THIS is the problem!
Stop meeting guys and imagining your whole lives together after the first date! It is destroying you, and your fragile-over analytical-mind.



When will we learn!

and noo the answer is not in "He's Just Not That Into You"..don't even get me started on how much that book has hurt modern women.

all i wanna do:

internet shop.
paint my nails.
smoke cigarettes.
watch RHOA.
not do my STATS homework.
get tan.
at the beach.
in sf.
with a beer.

jdk

how much weight do things said mid-sexin hold?

do you really think i "taste good"?
or is that just a casual phrase in your dirty talk rhetoric?

and if it is, that's fine, it isn't like u DONT mean it completely,
you might just throw it around as part of foreplay.

what about like important things?
things that u only say to certain people..
u know..intimate things.

does that apply to the above example???

i just dont know.

Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom - Vengaboys

my inner thighs are sore,
i need a break
from these escapades

ow, it hurts so good.

humph.

it scares me how quickly i am able to throw aside my own goals for the prospects of love. i am definitely not the only one guilty of this..but i hate that about myself. i hate being co-dependent..i HATE waiting around and i HATE jumping to conclusions..but i continue to do those things.

i saw "500 Days of Summer" last night. In summary, a boy loves a girl who will not let herself be "caught" by a relationship.

real women arn't like this. real women never run from being "official" with anyone. real women are insecure and real women need the security that can only be achieved through a label.

that movie kind of pissed me off.

i will never be able to aspire to be like that..i can try..we all can try, but it will never happen.

joseph gordon-levitt is still really hot, btw.

our last.fm compatibility is low..

should i be worried?

i kind of wish this blog could be anonymous
so you wouldn't know that this poem is about you

no longer grumpy, kinda

had a conversation with my mother, over laundry.
we talked about "being alone"
i told her i could care less.

i just want to be a transient.
and have lovers, all over the world.

lil' wayne knows what i mean.

grumpy, kinda

i
wanna
but shouldnt.

so
i will try not to.



no
i will not try

i just wont.



photo by matt barnes.

the itch you can always scratch.

ladies,
do yourself a favor
invest in a vibrator.

TLC - Red Light Special - TLC

you always had my <3

"Lie in the darkness, I'm slowly drowned to sleep
With nothing left to lose."

Creaming my 8th grade panties, for you.

where were you when pop died?

Rock With You - Michael Jackson

zombsession

you would only know how much i want you,
if you ate my brain.
but then i would be dead.

you would forget about me
and move on to the next brain.

zombie marriage.

if a world pandemic broke out, and you became a zombie
would you let me survive? or
would you eat me? or
would you make me zombie? or
would you even remember me?

if a world pandemic broke out, and i became a zombie
i would let you survive. but
i would probably snack on your ear. but
i would leave your face in tact.
i would want to remember your face.

if a world pandemic broke out, and we became zombies
we could build a house. next to
a preschool. and snack
all.day.long.

zombie luv, it exists.

even though we can never live together
(because you aren't alive)
even though we will never share a meal
(because you only eat people)
we could be so happy.
even if its only till u get hungry
and eat me too.


even though u are dead
even though u eat flesh
even though half of your face is paralyzed
you can be so sexy.

may.

uppers, downers..
xanax? adderall?
i can't decide which you are on.

i like you best when you are drunk and on..coke?
you are talkative,
and sweet.

if you are too calm i feel uncomfortable
when it is xanax? valium?
you boar me.

april.

I fell in luv with your last.fm
Thought maybe you should know
You have impeccable taste.

I fell in luv with your last.fm
You are pretty pretentious
And I like it.

I fell in luv with your last.fm
Leaving you a shout would be
A big step for me.

I fell in luv with your last.fm
Currently: Pretending that you have been to mine
And saw our level of compatibility..

it's "very high."

february.

lurking will be the death of me.
it was forced attraction, and awkward
desperate, super desperate.

lurking will be the death of me
it was a bit obsessive and very awkward
desperate, way way desperate.

my lurking will be
the death of you. srsly awkward.
now. i am stoned. and now. i feel too awkward
to continue this.